Heartbreaking Scandal: Japanese Zoo Accused of Intentional Cruel Experiments on Viral Baby Monkey Punch – Global Backlash Erupts

As a Cancer currently in her luteal phase, I am more or less capable of projecting emotion and pathos onto a potted plant, but I don’t think I’m alone in my fixation on the strange, sad, and weirdly life-affirming journey of Punch (or Panchi-kun, in Japanese), the tiny Japanese macaque currently residing at Japan’s Ichikawa City Zoo. Since being rescued from abandonment, Punch has quickly gone viral for his obsession with an orange orangutan plushie, and every time I see him I want to cry?

Apparently, other monkeys at the zoo have been bullying Punch, and I can’t help myself; when I look at him all I see is my weird little Maltipoo, Franklin, who thinks running up to other dogs and barking uncontrollably at them is an acceptable form of play, and thus isn’t always the most popular guy at the dog park. All that’s to say: I need this simian sweetie to be okay! And, for that matter, I need the cooler-than-thou dachshund and pug at the DeLongpre Park dog run to accept Frank for who he is (an irascible and anxious rescue who sometimes sucks)!

Luckily for my apparently precarious emotional state, some genuine love recently came Punch’s way. Not only has Ikea Japan donated more orangutan toys to the Ichikawa City Zoo than Punch can possibly know what to do with, but an adult monkey named Onsing has appeared to take Punch under his wing. Witness:

Is Punch being embraced by another monkey at long last going to solve any of the actual problems currently ailing the world? No—but it might just stop me from dissolving into a flood of unwilling tears every time I see a video or image of this freaking monkey online, and for now, I’ll take that.